If we're all feeling behind, then who is ahead?
Feel like you're lagging behind your pals? Don't we all?
It’s no secret that social media is a glamourised highlight reel of everyone and their mum’s life. One sitting of doom scrolling can include seeing three engagements, two lavish weddings, a handful of promotions, a new puppy and many sets of hands holding shiny new house keys.
Major milestones are coming at us, left, right, centre, to kick us when we’re up or down to remind us that we’re eternally behind. Not to mention that we live a some-what boring life and should have started working on our big dream 8 years ago. Whoops.
*exhale*
No wonder this instills a panic in us all that we’re somehow falling behind in our own life. We’re presented with a snapshot of colossal moments without the context of how this person got there and the days, weeks and years that led up to this success.
Instead, everyone’s highlights are sandwiched together to offer an aesthetic picture of everyone thriving in a gorgeous, wealthy, dream state and leaving us in the dust.
When in reality, I don’t know anyone that feels like they’re ‘on track’ with life. Some don’t even know what track they’re meant to be on yet.
So it probably shouldn’t have come as a surprise (but trust me, it did) that one of my reels went viral when I listed some statistics of the actual age the average person achieves most of these ‘big things’ in life.
The facts from outlets such as The Guardian, Office for National Statistics and Uswitch are as follows:
The average age of buying a house in the UK is 33 (in London 36, Scotland 42)
It takes on average around 10 years to save for a house deposit
The average age for a woman to get married is 35-36
People who get married in their 20s are in the minority
Research has found that the older you get the more the confidence and self esteem grows and women in their 60s are the happiest and most confident
The average age of a solo traveler is 47
Let that sink in. Do any of those stats surprise you?
They prove that the average person isn’t getting married at 25, buying a house or even anywhere near to saving for a house deposit, as most everyday people are feeling the cost of living crisis, housing crisis and the challenge of getting a mortgage alone.
There were a few people in my comments who outright refused to believe the facts, and fair play to them, as it definitely isn’t what we’re used to seeing.
I have friends who have had their first child at 37, another at 19, both are excellent mothers and very happy with their gorgeous children. I have friends who have bought a house, sold it and moved back in with parents, while others are happy renting with no intent on buying anytime soon.
Life ins’t linear. There also isn’t a snakes and ladders game at play, where you take a step up, then slide all the way back to the bottom. Though, sure, there are times where it feels like it.
When I moved back home at 23, after a short-lived stint in London, it felt like a step backwards. When my relationship broke down and I had to re-download dating apps last year, it felt like square one, while my friends planned their weddings and engagement parties.
But everything happens in it’s own time and if we all had the same timeline then god, life would be boring. So why do we hold ourselves so rigorously to achieving certain things by specific ages?
As in short, no one feels like they’re right on track even if they’re ahead of the average. Most of the time, things in life take much longer than expected as there’s curveballs along the way, such as finding out the thing you really wanted - that relationship, flat or career - actually was not right for you.
The most important thing is to not be so afraid of starting over or the thought of taking a step back that you don’t free yourself from the unhappy path you’re heading down.
There is so much time to do the things you want in life and no one expects you to have completed it all by the time you’re 30, 40, 50, 60 or even 70. Keep on doing it for as long as you can.
These stats are so comforting!! Thank you
“Life isn’t linear. There also isn’t a snakes and ladders game at play, where you take a step up, then slide all the way back to the bottom.” — loved these lines. And really resonated with this whole thing. I’m turning 30 next year and became a mum in my teens and I’ve always felt like I’ve been perpetually chasing my tail while everyone around me buys houses and builds thriving careers and travels the world. But it isn’t a race, right?!